This one's for the blog

On the hunt.

2011-05-31T10:55:00.002-04:00

I am going to look at a house today! I am really excited, it's everything I have been wanting.

Wish me luck!

This one is for the blog

2011-05-26T18:18:00.002-04:00

Okay.. here it is. This is my last attempt to change the format / feel of this blog and actually use it.

Last night I was watching the Oprah finale and she said a lot of things that I started thinking about. Most of it was stuff I had read before in books like 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' and the like. Interesting stuff (in theory) about being a good person, the power of your thoughts / energy flow, and what you project you get back etc. etc. Harder to put these things into practice but as I have been reading about it in different books, I have been really trying over the last year or so to be a better and positive person.

Funny enough, it's some of the stuff I used to die laughing at Stanley for. Vibrations and all that nonsense. He really did take it to a whole other level of insane but I guess he might have been onto something.

Anyways. Oprah also had mentioned about keeping a 'Gratitude Journal'. I have actually been keeping a journal but it has been more personal thoughts on my current state in life, love, career, etc. Things I am not really comfortable sharing on the Internet but want to get down as a way to work through them and I have actually been using it. So last night after Oprah I went to bed and was writing in said journal and I decided to write about something I was grateful for. I decided that something would be my cats. Their unconditional love and warming of my cold feet in bed. As I am writing about my gratitude for my furry friends, one of them jumps on the bed and a wet drip of shit falls from his ass onto my bed. No fucking joke. The cat shit on my bed. I started to think of how ironic it was that as I am thanking him for being alive he is literally taking a shit on me. I was writing down those thoughts, when I realised, two things... one - I can type much faster than I can print and two - it's too bad no one will read about this because it's pretty fucking funny.

At that point I decided I would abandon that old premise of this blog which was basically to bitch about things and I would start to write about things that are happening to me which I can share with the world or perhaps only 3 people, whichever. So that one was for the blog. Hopefully there will be more to come.

xo beans

Still such a silly little girl

2011-03-01T16:39:00.000-05:00

What a difference a year makes or so the saying goes. So why doesn't a year make that much of a difference for me?

Let's break this down shall we?

Same:

Boyfriend
Unmarried Status
Childless Status
Dead End Job
Boss
Car

Different:

Moved out of apartment and back in with my mom (now we're moving backwards)
Various co-workers came and went

It would be almost the same breakdown for the past 5 years minus the living with my mother part. It's making me sad just writing this. I should stop.. I'm PMS-ing perhaps not a good time to delve into these feelings.

I hate those "why me??" people, I don't want to fall down that slippery slope of self pity, and I know why I am in this situation is because of me. Though it would be nice to progress at some point, after all like I said in my last post.. I'm fucking 30 for fucks sakes!

Welcome to December

2010-12-01T16:36:00.002-05:00

Hello, my name is Aimée, I am 30 and I live with my Mom.

Failure.

2010-08-10T14:45:00.000-04:00

I'm a failure. I have failed at blogging. I can't blog about my life, I can't blog about movies.

I just can't blog.

Twitter or micro blogging really is more along my style. A couple words here and there, nothing formal to it.

I like to say things like "OMG I smell bacon!" and be done with it.

Oh well. I'll give it one more go.

OH MY GOD

2010-04-29T12:55:00.003-04:00

Another round of layoff's.

They let go of Stanley!! Holy shat!!

I actually feel really bad. He's on vacation right now!

Insane.

I don't know what any of this means.. I think it may be time for me to step up around here, if I am given the chance.

But for this blog.. can it survive without Stanley?? Wow. I don't know??

xo

Beans

If bad things happen in 3's....

2010-04-27T13:34:00.000-04:00

What do good things happen in?

Because a lot of good things have been happening lately and I am scared someone is going to burst my good times bubble soon and a flood on poop is going to pour on my head.

The Good List:

I am going to Vegas in 9 days.. the trip was changed twice and touch and go for a while there but it got sorted out, it's paid for and I leave on next Thursday.
Telly Tubby is leaving the company. Their last day is this Thursday.
Stanley is on vacation all this week
I finally did my taxes after being behind a couple years and I am getting almost 2k back
I really needed that money.
After a 3 month foray into being a brunette, I went and got my hair done blonde again and it looks good! It's not orange or green or gray at all!

That's all I can think of right now.. but all really good things for me.

There have been a few shitty things lately but they aren't even worth the breath or thought to write or talk about. I have been doing a lot better at being a genuinely positive person lately I think.

Please universe, don't poop on me!!

xo

Beans

Free thinking

2010-04-07T17:36:00.000-04:00

Listening to Stanley compare himself to Einstein because of his ideas being considered radical.

Yeah and I am Stephen Hawking.

Strange

2010-03-24T10:32:00.002-04:00

I wrote the last post at about 1:30am on Monday night but didn't publish as I was trying to fix the hyperlink.

Usually it shows the date when you save it not when you publish it finally.

I wouldn't normally count not sleeping at 10:24am to be insomnia. :)

Anyways.. might as well talk about some more things since I am here.

Stanley actually is not becoming a break-dancer, he mistook break dancing for martial arts. He now wants to become a "Ninja".

He brings me so much joy.

With that said I think I may stop talking about him on here. In a strange twist of events, he has actually become a close ally here at work and I also wanted to try to make this blog a little more personal, posting pictures and stuff. Though likely, he will just piss me off and continue being ridiculous and I will have to write about it.

Only time will tell.

Hi-yoooo

2010-03-24T10:24:00.004-04:00

So I haven't liked March very much so far, hence I have been blog-boycotting it.

But I am over it now so whatevs.

Lets see - I think I'll do another Fried Beans: Random thoughts - March

Why am I not in bed yet??

Apparently my insomnia is getting worse over the years.

Hot Yoga makes you sweat in places I didn't know you could sweat.

Old men without shirts on doing hot yoga is kinda gross.

Why won't this bloody canker sore go away already??

Why the fuck was it 18 degrees last week and 2 this week?

Really why am I still awake?

I really hope Octomom doesn't make a porn.

That wrinkle is not going away is it?

My cats are so loyal.

Good night bitches.

Great News

2010-02-25T12:04:00.002-05:00

By the way, Stanley has decided, that with no experience (and likely any talent) he, at 31, is going to pursue a career as a professional break dancer.

He's very excited about it.

That's all.

So I went to a John Mayer Concert

2010-02-25T11:33:00.007-05:00

I am not sure why, as I was never a fan before, but I bought John Mayer's last album Battlefield Studies.

The first couple listens I was just so so about it but at some point I started to love it. Then I downloaded Continuum and that album is amazing.

The songs they release on the radio really do not do justice for the music.

He is a huge douche still but some how he writes this really great music.

Anyways I found out that he was coming to Toronto and got it in my head that I wanted to see him. Tickets had been on sale for quite a while so there wasn't anything left.. just these two tickets in the 300 levels with a side view kept coming up... They weren't even the lowest level price but I thought really, how bad could they be?

Well folks, this is how bad they could be:

It's been like two weeks since the concert and I am pretty much over it. I just think that it is completely fucking ridiculous that they would actually sell these seats. He, Himself actually point out where were sitting and said that they had to be the worst seats in the house.

He was actually really awesome. He is a gifted musician for sure. He just needs to learn to shut his mouth unless he is singing.

I read some where a critic wrote that there seems to be a huge disconnect from John Mayer the songwriter and John Mayer the man. I think that is very true.

Anyways here are a couple better shots.

Myspace

2010-02-11T00:26:00.009-05:00

So I started using Myspace again. Basically I wanted to start adding more musicians to my friends.

I also have been going to concerts practically monthly lately. Perhaps there's a theme starting?

Anyways.. Jesus Christ, really what happened to this site? I practically lived on there before Facebook, all my friends used it. I had a few random requests but now, seriously, it seems like everyday I log on to some new random message.

I can't be the only person who gets these ridiculous messages am I? I feel a bit mean but I have to assume that people randomly writing me shit like this below can't even be real.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for connecting with people over the Internet. Clearly, I have this blog and I'm addicted to Twitter. I love reading a bit about a stranger from another part of the world (or locally even) and getting a small cyberish glimpse into their life and even communicating a little. But there are lines to be drawn, big huge lines.

Oh and Sir... You the one with a picture of your penis on your profile, yes you. Please stop friend requesting me. The answer will never be "Approve". Ever.

And now for your reading pleasure, here are a few excerpts from my inbox this week:

"Heyyy

Well, since you're rather attractive and caught my eye, and today is kind of a slow day, I'd like to get your opinion on a weird but interesting random question:

On a boy, what would you consider as more masculine/sexual: big muscles, or average body but very large in the sexual area?

Please be totally honest. It is a dumb question i know, but it's so rarely answered!

xxxx "

Really? Am I rather attractive? This tells you I should want to tell a complete stranger if I like a big penis or not?

"Hi,

How are you doing today? Let me start introducing my Self to you, i am a Male Born by my mother, 5'5 Tall and well educated young man who so much loves all the Necessary individuality in a woman, funny,adventure But I just choose to let you know because I feel you re more serious and matured minded someone as a friend who can be more creative...I promise you i'm not going to Hurt you or anyone else, i will be truthful , respectful and Loyal.

Regards

____ "

Oh okay good. You were born by your Mother. Great information to know. Thank you.

"what can i say..your perfect..i aint telling you anything you dont already know.. one thing i know is if i had a woman like you all my problems in life would go away.. hahaha its sad but true.. lol total beauty.. but i am realistic too, i know a woman like you would be caught dead with a man like me.. i have nothing to offer you.. but i would like to at least be a friend to you and chat on msn sometime.. you seem REAL.. dont ask me why hahaha i am just getting that vibe from your picture i guess :) let me know ok?"

Last time I checked Myspace wasn't a dating site. And my "Relationship Status" says "In a relationship" So I actually apologize for appearing as "REAL", reality is that I am a bitch and I'm posting what you wrote on my blog.

"Nice Pic MMMMMMMMMM"

That was courtesy of the oldest man I have ever seen on Myspace.

"Good morning how are you, ,, nie smile you have ,, like to chat more"

Umm,, , no thank you ,,

"You got nice profile. I am Asian and currently new in town. I was looking for some new friends in town. I hope I will find a decent fun loving lady to start friendship with her.

I will write more about me later when I get some positive response from your side. It will be nice to express. As a start let me tell you that I am 36, and working with army. Now recently I got migrated to Canada to start my new life. So I came to this site to find some good friends those can be supportive and understanding.

For now … that’s what I got on my side. Wish you good time and have a good day. Keep in touch, I will be happy to read from your side and get to know your opinion about friend ship in real life"

Good luck in Canada Sir. I think you are going to need it.

And the world keeps turning.

2010-02-04T15:59:00.003-05:00

Well folks it sounds like raw food / less meat diet is done with:

"From this point on, I don't care anymore, I just want to eat food that is different, the more different the better"

He is going for Indonesian with his wife tonight and is asking her to try to find even more exotic places for the future.

Oh Stanley, always good for a smile. Or to feel better about myself haha.

So I am back from Jamaica. Have been for a few days, it's been a bit hard to accept though. We all agreed when we were there that 7 days (which turned into 6 do to a delay) is not enough. 10 day vacations from now on.

I had an amazing time. The Riu Montego Bay was great. There was one night we went to the sports bar and Twilight was on the TV rather than Football. The next night was a huge Michael Jackson tribute. I joked with everyone that the place was made for me.

It did get me thinking though that I need to go some where at least one every two years. I have not seen nearly enough of this planet at all. It's sad really to just be kept in your own little bubble.

Well there is mad work to catch up on still so back to that for now.

xox

Beans

Bloggers

2010-01-20T00:36:00.005-05:00

Why is it that every time I try to browse Blogger for new reading material, I only ever come across 6 types of blogs?

1) Mommies who think there kids are so amazing that they blog about them (Jerks)

2) Couples who think their lives together are so amazing they blog about it (Jerks)

3) People who think "God" is so amazing they blog about "Him" (I actually a bit envy these people. Life must be so much simpler to believe that "He" has a plan for you)

4) People who think the world is so amazing they are travelling it (Lucky Jerks)

5) People who think Cooking/Baking is so amazing that they blog about it (Jerks)

6) 'Not English' (Sorry! I only speak English. I am not proud, but it's how I was raised! I'll learn French one day I swear!!)

Seriously I have been hitting "Next Blog" for the past half hour, they are all one of the above.

Am I abnormal that I just want to read about another average Joe/Jill working the 9-5 just living an average life? Perhaps my life is not as average as I imagined it always was.

On a serious note, speaking of my life, I know I get down on my average/incredibly boring life sometimes but in reality, I know how absolutely lucky I am to have this life. So many others don't even get a chance to understand average boredom. I can't even begin to put myself in some peoples shoes, the people of Haiti during this time (and well, let's face it, the rest of the time as well) for example. I used to get angry a lot, poor me, I wasn't loved enough or believed in enough. Now I think, wow get the fuck over yourself.

Being born in this time, in this Country (Canada), to an average, middle class family. It really doesn't get much better than that (except maybe an upper class family hahaha).

xox

Beans

P.S. Jamaica in 3 days!!!

GTL

2010-01-19T11:34:00.004-05:00

Well I may not do it all in one day, but in preparation for our trip to Jamaica, I have been trying the Jersey Shore GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry).

I managed to do a shit load of laundry on the weekend, Saturday night actually. Yeah I party hard like that. So I washed all my clothes for the trip and some work clothes to get through the week and a week or so after I get back.

I have been going to the gym on and off the past three weeks. I think it is working, I was told I am looking "Leaner".

But I failed at the tanning. I went on Sunday and I did only 7 minutes and it was like, I never went at all. So I went back last night, and I had the same girl, who I explained to that I was going to Jamaica and stuff on Sunday. She is as orange as Snookie and looks a bit like her too, funny enough. Anyway, she said I should try 9 or maybe even 10 mins this time. I opted for 9. I didn't want to burn. FAIL. Burnt all over my boobs and ass. All on my side under the armpits and on my back shoulders. So wearing a bra is awesome right now needless to say.

Perhaps I should accept that I am not Italian and just wear 50 spf whilst in Jamaica.

4 MORE DAYS!!!

xox

Beans

I'm going to Jersey Shore Bitch!

2010-01-15T00:06:00.001-05:00

Not really, I am going to Jamaica.

But that show seriously owns my life right now!

Possibily perfect reality tv.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-07T15:33:00.006-05:00

Holy Crap eh? 2010

I haven't wrote a blog in a while. Busy with the holidays and now it's Year End at work.

We are going to Jamaica at the end of this month. I have never been and I am really excited.

Other then that, I have basically decided this will be my year, no more getting worked up over uselessness (you must be thinking 'good luck with that' eh? hahaha)

I am just working towards that, so I can't really complain at the moment, hence, I can't really blog.

Beans

Motions

2009-12-10T13:35:00.002-05:00

Sorry peeps.

And I was blogging so well!

We moved. The new building is different. I don't know if I can use any other words, better, nicer, they just don't fit yet.

Taller. I'll give it that one.

I rather like my new cubicle. It is positioned almost perfectly.

I have taken today and tomorrow off to study for my final exam on the course I am taking. As you can tell, it's going well :s

The exam is on Saturday Morning and then on Saturday night we are having a Holiday Party at our Apartment. That should be fun, given I can stay awake through all of it.

Anyways, I really had better study.

xox
Beans

It worked!

2009-11-28T15:06:00.002-05:00

It worked! He went after and got something, I saw him get up with money in his hand, he never brought it back to the office though.

Then on Thursday though, he again went to get something and he turns to me and says "I haven't ate chocolate in a long time but since you ate that one yesterday I want one. It looked sooo good". Then he went and got a chocolate bar and some chips.

The gross feeling and the probably 900 calories was all worth it!

It's over now though, as of Monday we start in the new office. I still sit beside him, as explained before, so I hope to still get some good quotes. I really feel though that this will be a fresh start for all of us at the company.

I am looking forward to it.

Ugh

2009-11-25T14:02:00.002-05:00

I feel so thoroughly gross right now.

I just ate a bag of pretzels, a Twix bar (both pieces), and drank a French Vanilla Cappuccino and I only just ate lunch not too long ago.

I did this just so I could eat it all in front of Stanley. I hate how he pretends his whole diet is so different and raw now. It's not, he tells people it is, then he eats chips.

He kept looking over so I think the plan is working. He'll give in soon and go get some and pig out on it and I will get to say "Hey, that's not raw food".

I live for the little things.

I think I could actually get used to sharing an office with him :P

Superficial

2009-11-23T22:01:00.005-05:00

While Stanley is throwing away all his clothing this very minute.. I, on the other hand, spent the past weekend spending money.

I bought a bunch of new things, a new scarf, shirt, jacket, pair of jeans, 2 bras and various underwear from Victoria's Secret, and best of all a new pair of Steve Madden leather mid-calf boots.

And really, there's nothing like the happiness I get out of a good pair of boots.

P.S. He told me he had the epiphany this weekend and that's when he started realize to achieve true happiness he had to get rid all of his clothes.

I told you, there must balance in the universe.

Fate

2009-11-23T13:25:00.006-05:00

So I think I have mentioned before that the company is moving buildings.

In what would be the ultimate irony, I last week had to beg, plead, and basically show myself for the immature child that I am at times, to be able to sit beside Stanley in the new building.

Why on earth would I do this, you might ask. Masochistic perhaps?

Well not exactly, I actually am doing this to protect myself. It's truly the lesser of two evils.

I don't write about the person I had named Telly on here. I am going to change their name to Chicken Little, because the sky is always falling with them.

I don't talk about them because as mean as I may seem, when I write about Stanley, well it has nothing on the disdain, I harbour for CL. I don't feel I could write anything about them and it be honest, without feeling horrible about myself, so I don't.

Anyways, the original seating plan for the new office had it so that I would be beside CL, not only beside but in front of, so that every time they needed to get up, they would pass me. This is a person who basically calls meetings to talk about other people. How they perceive that other people do nothing, and what they saw on there monitors, etc.

That along with various other things that truly turn my stomach, I felt I would almost rather quit than sit there.

So, I went into Caesar's office and laid it all out. 'This is how I feel, this is why, I realize how immature and petty I am, however I will not sit there.'

Ultimately I got moved. I am now on the other side next to Stanley. Funny isn't it?

Anyways, we are in the new building as of a week today. Until then however, starting tomorrow, we are temporally moved into new spots, while our cubes come down. Guess where my spot is?!?!

In a small office that is to be shared with Stanley.

I have decided that he and I must be the balance to the universe, why else would fate have done this?

I believe if nothing else, it's going to make for a very interesting rest of the week.

Wow, it's Budda himself

2009-11-23T10:25:00.004-05:00

Stanley is becoming a minimalist.

He told me this morning that he plans to "throw away" the majority of his clothing tonight.

Rather than a full wardrobe, Stanley wants three outfits, "One black, one white and one gray". Also stated this morning was his wish that men could wear scarves, like the purple plaid one I am wearing today, because although the idea is to free himself of superficial possessions, he would still really like to "accessorize the outfits".

These are the days when I actually really like him. How can you not smile?

Friday Bitches!

2009-11-20T08:29:00.001-05:00

I am seeing New Moon TODAY!!!

That's all.

Seinfeld and Gyms Towels

2009-11-18T09:48:00.009-05:00

Sometimes I feel like my life's a bit of a Seinfeld episode. More specifically that I might be George "I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I got it all!!"

This morning reminded me a bit of the car rental episode "You know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation". I managed to get my stuff together for the second morning in a row mind you, and make it to the gym. I was a bit late, I would have only been able to do about a half hour workout and then get going, but certainly better than nothing.

I find when I got there that I had forgot my iPod, the gyms music is horrid, same stuff over and over. A sampling, would be a little diddy called "I hate my Baby Momma".

I go in, what choice do I have? I drove the 12 minutes there already.

I get to the desk and no one is in sight, another small annoyance of mine, I swipe my card and wait. I pay for towel service with my membership. I hear this female voice come from one of the offices,

"Good morning! Go on in"

me - "I need a towel"

"Oh, I am sorry, we don't have any towels left"

me - "Ooohhhh ok, so, should I come back up after the workout? Will they be ready then?"

"No, we won't have any more today"

me - "But I'll have to shower!?"

"I'm sorry, we realize the importance of towels and that our members need to shower"

DO YOU?? I don't think you do! Because if you did we wouldn't be having this conversation.

I stand there for a minute, while female voice sits unmoved in the office. I ponder my options, I have to wash my hair today, I'm going to be pretty wet, do I use my sweater? Do I use paper towels? Will there be paper towels?

"I'm sorry Ma'am!"

Ok that did it.. Ma'am.

me - "Forget it."

I turned and left, drove all the way back home and showered there. We're off to a good start folks! Just another wonderful day in the life.

The Path

2009-11-17T14:24:00.002-05:00

There is no turning back

From this unending path of mine

Serpentine and black

It stands before my eyes

To hell and back

It will lead me once more

It’s all I have as I stumble in

Out of grace

I walk through the gardens

Of dying light

And cross all the rivers

Deep and dark as the night

Searching for a reason

Why time would´ve passed us by

With every step I take

The less I know myself

And every vow I break on my way towards your heart

Countless times I’ve prayed

For forgiveness

But Gods just laughed at my face

And this path remains

Leading me into solitude arms

I see through the darkness

My way back home

The journey seems endless

But I’ll carry on

The shadows will rise

And they will fall

And our night drowns in dawn

Amidst all the tears theres a smile

That all angels will greet with an envious song

One look into strangers eyes

And I know where I belong

I walk through the gardens

Of dying light

And cross all the rivers

Deep and dark as the night

Searching for a reason

Why time would passed us by

Oh I see through the darkness

My way back home

The journey seems endless

But I’ll carry on

The shadows will rise

And they will fall

And our night drowns in dawn

- Ville Valo

Wow

2009-11-17T14:06:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I even surprise myself with my own immaturity.

Yikes!

2009-11-05T11:20:00.001-05:00

I almost crashed my car this morning.

Today blows.

2009-11-03T10:49:00.015-05:00

It really does. It's month end, we're moving buildings soon, packing, Stanley is Stanley, and allergies are destroying me.

So to make myself feel better I am wasting some time on here. I figured I would keep my word about posting the Prom Zombie picture (goodbye anonymity, not that I really did good at keeping that up).

Also, I just wanted to say that "This Is It" was amazing. If you are a fan or not, you should see this movie. It will change how you feel about him for sure and it really shows you how much goes into these big tours.

Anyways here is the picture.. It was fun. The makeup from my hands, arms and face was getting everywhere!

(I am in the Coral coloured dress for any strangers reading this. Thank you. You must be very bored.)

Smiling Zombies.

Eat your face Zombies.

Wait! One more thing!

I am completely obsessed with R-Pattz again!

I am not a bit ashamed either!

17 days until New Moon comes out!

Happy day before Hallowe'en!

2009-10-30T13:46:00.002-04:00

I am getting Prom Queen Zombie makeup EVERYWHERE!

My cubicle is a mess! So is everything else I touch.

It's all good though. :)

Looking Forward

2009-10-28T20:46:00.003-04:00

You know, things aren't so bad sometimes.

I have this little calender that was given to me by lady I work with for last Christmas. Though it was never intended to be and the squares are entirely too small for it, I use it as a day planner.

I don't have a single free weekend in it until Dec 18. How crazy is that?

This Friday I am dressing up for work with my sister and our HR girl, we are going to be Zombie Prom Queens. We even recruited some male co-workers to be our "Dates" they won't be zombies though, just in a suit. If I remember I will post a picture here.

At night we are going to see This Is It! I am super excited to see this movie (if you read my MJ post you would know this is an obvious statement).

I guess the point is when you are living a life that's exceptionally small, you really need to take pleasure in the little things. I am starting to learn, as they say, it's the little things that count.

In the spirit of my last blog....

2009-10-21T16:45:00.004-04:00

I bring you the latest conversation I overheard.

It starts and Stanley is talking to his wife about the H1N1 flu shot and something about government control of people. Something about the women and children, I am only half listening, it's nothing new but then he says:

"I know it's far off but if we have one, would you consider keeping it off the grid for a while? I don't know, maybe just for a few years, until it's 5 or so"

"No no, I don't want to do anything extreme, not that that's extreme, I just feel like it's starting"

W O W

So tell me Genius, should your wife (who's in her mid-30's) be lucky enough to make it through the labour with no complications, what the fuck are you going to do when that 3 year old falls out of bed for the first time, hits it's head and needs stitches? You are going to take it to the hospital and say what?? "Oh yeah, this is my 3 year old I didn't want the government to know about, can you please help him/her?"

Brilliant.

Did I mention that he is now driving to a Spring and collecting water from it for drinking?? Cause he is. He drives an hour to wherever, sticks a bucket in the ground and drinks the fucking water. Because our tap water or even bottled spring water is not good enough. Really, why don't you just send a letter to a kid in a third world country and just say "Fuck you".

Really.

Why I am picturing myself strangling Stanley right now.

2009-10-21T16:11:00.004-04:00

There are many, many times, that I feel bad that I talk about Stanley. Many, many times, that I start to kind of well, really like Stanley.

But then he does something.

Usually something small but it manifests in my head and makes me add it to the pile of things he has said or done to me, and I remember why I didn't care and started this blog in the first place.

One of these said events happened last week.

Stanley and I had to work on a rather complicated calculation together. The idea being that I do it in the future. Though I have some familiarity with what we were working on, it was essentially training.

It took 4 days.

4 days of him sitting next to me in my cubicle.

It would appear that we both have A.D.D, so we would get off track a lot and start talking. It wasn't too bad at first. I, it would seem, have done well at placing boundaries about what we can talk about. He doesn't really go into his craziness much. He did at one point though, when I pointed out how easily we get off track, tell me that he cured his own A.D.D and would be willing to share the cure with me, should I ever inquire. I banked that one in the back of my mind.

Anyways, by the end of it, I was almost starting to like him. He had thrown in a couple little jabs at me, for example, I would suggest we remove a column or an unused page of the spreadsheet. He would continually say "wow, you have some really good insights." Like I am a fucking idiot and I don't catch the sarcasm there? I am so insightful for suggesting we take out a column am I? Jerk. Whatever. I let it slide.

But it was the very end on Friday night when he turns to me and says "So, when are you going to remove your tattoos" that I kind of lost it.

"When?"

Not "So, do you still like your tattoos?" "Would you ever consider removing them?" Just an assumption that I couldn't possibly be happy with myself.

So I turned to him and said "Why would you ask me that?"

And he says "I don't know? I am just curious. Do you actually like them?"

SERIOUSLY!

WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE??

I turned back and said "You have to stop talking to me, I am done now."

I went and got a tea.

He has been talking to me here and there, still complimenting me on my input in the calculation. I am civil. I won't be the person I was a couple years ago and flat out pretend he doesn't exist. Because, I have a blog, and on my blog I can talk about how he exists and the stupid fucking things he says about his existence, and I feel better.

Thank you Bloggy.

xoxo

Beans

Males

2009-10-20T10:31:00.002-04:00

I will never ever ever understand men.

I will never understand why some find me attractive when others don't.

I will never understand why some see something in me that they think is special and others think I am an idiot.

I will never understand why some are capable of friendship and others can not see past what they want or have never wanted.

I will never ever ever understand men.

I should be doing homework but...

2009-10-19T23:05:00.004-04:00

It is becoming more increasingly aware to me, with each passing day, that I am living one of the most boring, uneventful, and irrelevant, lives to ever have been lived.

WARNING

2009-10-14T13:29:00.002-04:00

I am re-reading The Twilight Saga.

A dark, unexplained depression may or may not ensue.

October!!!

2009-10-06T16:27:00.003-04:00

Wow. October.

Where did summer go for real?

Co-co-co-cold

2009-09-30T15:44:00.002-04:00

If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that it's 9 degrees in here, TOPS.

I literally have a jacket, boots and a scarf on right now, in doors.

Dammit!

2009-09-28T16:38:00.002-04:00

Stanley is having his daily convo with his wife but I can not hear it because for some reason, my work has the air conditioning on.

It's fall! It's like 12 degrees out. The fan is right over out cubes and it's loud.

I'm only catching bits and pieces but it's great as usual. I think she is talking about how she is bored all day, because she sits at home. It sounds like she wants him to leave her his car more and him make the 3 hour round trip commute to work. He'll do it too. He's a sucker.

Baby That's Not All

2009-09-28T15:53:00.002-04:00

Baby That's Not All - Josh Ritter

fold yourself against
me like a paper bird
tonight we’ll fly awhile
just give me the word
and hold onto me
like I hold onto you
a steeple holds a bell
the night sky holds the moon
melting flakes of snow
will catch you when you fall
Baby that’s not all
then like falling stars
back down to sleep will go
into our waiting arms
in orbits round the glow
cover lets and down
will catch you when you fall
Baby that’s not all

This song melts my cold black heart. If it doesn't do the same for you. Then you are already dead.

This is not the actual video. I just wanted to have the song here but I don't know how.

29

2009-09-23T19:30:00.002-04:00

Ok so I turned 29, 18 days ago.

I don't really have a follow up to that. I just felt like I had to write it down. I know one thing that didn't change from 28... I still suck at keeping a blog.

It's quarter-end at work, I am back in school now and still trying to keep at the gym. There just never seems like time. Lack of relevant things to speak of, doesn't help the plight either.

I will write a blog on Friday at work.. should be good times..

P.S. Stanley has taken to collecting water from a spring for drinking. It's part of his raw food living.

P.P.S He still eats a bag of processed chips almost every morning.

Amazing!

2009-09-01T17:55:00.003-04:00

One conversation between Stanley and his wife provided all of these!!!

"You gotta speak your mind about what you want to do, speak your mind there Sister!"

"Just tell me what you want to do, but even if you tell me and I want to do it, I could still say no anyway."

"No, no, I am not eating anymore meat. I threw it all out. I only eat raw food now."

"Refresh! Do you know what refresh is?"

You suck!

2009-08-13T16:03:00.002-04:00

So I had this dream last night. I should have wrote about it earlier because now I have forgotten most of the details but I do remember I was on a boat for some reason like a cruise ship.

I was singing in a band but I couldn't hear myself. It was worrying me, I kept thinking "I wish I could hear how this sounds". I knew I wasn't that great but I was trying anyways.

I get offstage and someone famous.. I think it was Joel or Benji Madden, one of them I think, comes up to me and they were like "wow, that was terrible".

I don't remember any of the other details but yeah. I guess that kills any hope of me singing on a cruise ship professionally.

Day 2 of not being able to do my job

2009-08-11T14:58:00.008-04:00

Well.. it's pretty much as stated above. The application I need to be able to perform 90% or so of what I do for is down sooooooooo.. I am just cruisin' the Internets looking for something to pass the time.

Here's something pretty cool.

Heath Ledger's last movie:

Looks pretty fantastic!

It really is a shame he died so young.

I often feel really lucky I made it this far. There was a time when you probably could have questioned it. I remembering seeing someone overdose in front of me at a rave once. I'll tell you, if that doesn't wake a person up nothing will.

I think it's kind of funny how hard core drug use is taboo and glamorized at the same time. The mixed messages it sends to people, I just find it all ridiculous. You know what I mean? The amount of people who abuse drugs, legal, prescription, illegal or whatever. I can't explain it, it's kind of shocking and not at all shocking at the same time.

Think of all the movies that revolve simply around drug use:

Requiem For a Dream
Scarface
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Blow
Trainspotting
Traffic
Girl Interrupted

I could probably go on forever.

I was reading about all the drugs found in toxicology tests from that Pitch guy Billy Mays. If this guy does just seem like the epitome of normal working Joe then I don't know who is.

Click here

I mean Jesus! How many pills can one person take? I am just glad I don't have the access to those kinds of things. I know what anxiety is like and I certainly know what it's like to lay awake just wishing for nothing more then to be able to sleep. Also, I really like T3's a little more then I should. I can totally see how it can go this way if you have the dollars to make a doctors pen move.

All you need to do is watch one episode of Intervention to realise that this isn't just a Hollywood issue and, at least one of your neighbours is probably fucked up on something.

I don't really know what the solution is. Don't glamorize? Well Intervention is certainly not glamorous. See here

Wow, this blog got off track.. anyways.. I don't really know where I was going with this. I just think it's sad that we lose such great people to drugs. I am sure we lose a lot more not so great people to drugs everyday as well. There is no solution.

Don't do drugs kids. Except weed. At lease that won't kill you. Just a few brain cells.

These are a few of my favourite things!

2009-08-10T11:36:00.008-04:00

I have decided to talk about some of the things that make me happy, since I am unable to do much actually work today and well, that's sort of one of the things hahaha! JK

I took my Mom to The Fergus Scottish Festival yesterday. It was a late Birthday thing for her. I didn't buy her anything opting instead to take her somewhere she wants and that's what she picked.

We went to the beer tent at one point and as I am walking with her and her friend (my mom is 63 and her friend is 58), the security makes me stop and says "Excuse me, are you 19?".

I laughed and said "almost ten years removed actually".

He says "I gotta see this" and puts his hand out for my ID. I show him as my mom is blabbing something about being my mom and knowing I look young. "He turns to her and says "Wow, good work"

HAH! That is one thing that makes me happy. Not only still being ID'd but being thought of as perhaps ten years younger! I was also ID'd on Friday night, downtown.

Other things that make me happy:

When my kitty Darcy hugs me (he actually does this, both paws up and around)
Tea
That there is a new Trailer Park Boys movie coming!!

I also like hugging my boyfriend.
I like seeing my old high school friends!!

Well I would write some more but the fire alarm is going off in the building again. I don't think today is going to be very productive at all. Haha!

I better get moving!

Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays

2009-08-10T10:53:00.004-04:00

Monday morning is not going so well so far.

Let's see:

I slept in
Missed the gym
Did not have time to pack for the gym tonight
Discovered cat had peed on my laundry and the floor
Didn't get to do my hair
Got to work to find that the application that I need to do my job, is down all day for a conversion
The fire alarm is going off right next to my head as I type this.
I am being told to come outside......

Bye for now!

"You're getting more and more sketchy as time goes on"

2009-08-06T15:59:00.003-04:00

And with that, Stanley and his wonderful daily conversations with his wife return.

Happy days are here again!

Friday!!

2009-07-31T10:37:00.004-04:00

Hahahahaaaaaaaaaahhahahahaaaaaaaaa hahahhaha!!!

So my boss Caesar just came by desk and was telling me something about some cheque. He pauses suddenly as he notices I am trying to block the sound coming out of my head phones. He looks at me and says "Is that Michael Jackson?"

Me: "Umm yeah"

Him "Oh God, I think you need help!"

He could be right.. I don't think I have really listened to anything else in over a month now.

Other then that, Stanley free life, will be over on Tuesday of next week. I didn't really enjoy these weeks as I thought I would. Perhaps when he is back will be the true test of whether or not I liked them!

It's Friday!!!!!!!

xoxox

Working Day 11

2009-07-27T13:45:00.003-04:00

So somewhat surprisingly, life without Stanley has been mainly without incident. I pretty much, haven't noticed he's gone. I do miss overhearing his daily conversations with his wife. I think those brighten my day. I have been oddly overly depressed the past couple weeks.

Caesar doesn't help. He is very much a micro manager, and I really don't do well in those kinds of situations. Perhaps it has been a bit worse because he doesn't have Stanley to go to.

Also not helping was that last week they laid off 21 people from work, including giving working notice to a man that I worked side by side with for the first couple years here. He is a good friend.

Other then that, it's been pretty much business as usual. I am seriously boring myself just writing this.

So for now, I bid you ado.

xoxo

Day 1 - Work without Stanley

2009-07-13T10:40:00.003-04:00

Stanley is on vacation for three entire weeks. I am a little bitter seeing as Caesar doesn't seem to want to let me have more then one day off at a time, if that. Whatever.

I thought that this would make me stupidly happy if anything, maybe I would come to work and want to dance in the halls. I actually don't. I think this will just be more of a headache then anything else.

I guess we shall just have to see!

Other then that, was camping this weekend. Went with two friends from high school and my boyfriend. It was really fun. We went tubing on the rapids at Elora Gorge. I love doing stuff like that, looking at all this natural wonderment. It kind of makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I realised also how much I miss my friends.

Side note: Rimmel nail polish is awful. Crap, shit, awful.

Still sad..

2009-07-09T11:12:00.002-04:00

Will you be there?

Hold me
Like the river jordan
And I will then say to thee
You are my friend

Carry me
Like you are my brother
Love me like a mother
Will you be there?

Weary
Tell me will you hold me?
When wrong, will you skold me?
When lost will you find me?

But they told me
A man should be faithful
And walk when not able
And fight till the end
But I'm only human

Everyones taking control of me
Seems that the worlds
Got a role for me
I'm so confused
Will you show to me
You'll be there for me
And care enough to bear me

(lead me)
(lay your head lowly)
(softly then boldly)
(carry me there)

(hold me)
(love me and feed me)
(kiss me and free me)
(I will feel blessed)

(carry)
(carry me boldly)
(lift me up slowly)
(carry me there)

(save me)
(heal me and bathe me)
(softly you say to me)
(I will be there)

(lift me)
(lift me up slowly)
(carry me boldly)
(show me you care)

(hold me)
(lay your head lowly)
(softly then boldly)
(carry me there)

(need me)
(love me and feed me)
(kiss me and free me)
(I will feel blessed)

(spoken)
In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tripulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart.

Strange Days

2009-07-08T17:56:00.002-04:00

Funny enough, rekindling my childhood obsession with MJ has basically over written my obsession with R-Patz.

I see pics of him now and I think "meh, so over it".

Strange.

However, I can not guarantee that it will not fully revert back upon release of the New Moon movie.

Seriously, I'm almost 29.

Goodbye Michael

2009-07-02T23:36:00.021-04:00

**Warning - this will be a long one**

**Warning number two, these are just my feelings and I wanted to document them because like it or not this is history, people will talk about this each year and about how they heard, where they were for the rest of my lifetime at least. You may not feel like me, you may even think I am crazy but if that is the case, I don't care**

I don't even know how to start this blog. I think it has taking me a week to start it writing because it has also taken me a week to believe that he is actually dead. Seriously, I have woken up every morning since last Friday and have had my first thoughts be "oh right, Michael Jackson died".

So flash back to last Thursday, June 25th 2009 and it's pretty much a day like any other. I get into work and sign onto my work msn. Usually I put my status as some lyric from a song I heard on the way to work or something but I decided instead that it was an MJ kind of day and I wrote "Billie Jean is not my lover". I am not sure why, but it is not at all unusual for me to think of 80's MJ, I am a huge fan.

As I usually do I was checking my Twitter account around noon or so and saw some tweets about how Farrah Fawcett had died. I thought that was unfortunate but not unexpected as she was at the end of a three year battle with cancer. I did some more work, more surfing, and around 4:30 I saw a tweet from the website TMZ that said Michael Jackson was in cardiac arrest. I immediately went to their website and saw the posting with a picture of the ambulance at the gates of his home. I messaged a girl I work with, HR Girl, who funny enough had bitten my style earlier in the day by writing "she's just a girl who claims that I am the one" on her msn after seeing mine. I typed "Michael Jackson is in cardiac arrest!!"

I then ran to the operations department at my work, where my sister works, I got to her cubical and I said "Michael Fucking Jackson is in cardiac arrest right now!". She was packing up for to leave, she actually had brought her son to work that day and was leaving a bit early, and she was like "what???". I turned around and saw a man I work with and told him and he had the same reaction. He told me how he had seen the Victory tour and I said so did my sister and how jealous I was. I just kept thinking he can't die today, it just would be too insane. Funny side note, I was so busy talking I didn't notice my nephew was drawing with white board marker on his own face and the cubicle wall. At my nephew's age Michael Jackson was already performing with the Jackson 5, I am just saying.

I eventually made it back to my desk and went on to Twitter again and I saw a tweet from Perez Hilton saying "Michael Jackson died :(". I gasped out loud, I couldn't believe it, I went to TMZ and they had the update about it. I msned HR girl and wrote "OMG he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then I ran straight back to operations, the first person I saw was the man I was talking to before and I said "He died"

"What?"

"He died, Michael Jackson died"

I was actually shaking, by this point we were joined by another male co-worker who basically shrugged and said "so". I couldn't even deal with that and he said "come here have a drink". I went to his cubical and he actually had a bottle of brandy and the proper glasses and poured me one. If I wasn't driving I would have downed the whole thing but I was so I didn't quite finish it. We talked, the three of us for about 45 minutes about different things, death, Michael, the cancer battle the first male colleague had gone through.

I made it back to my desk eventually and saw I had missed calls from Paprika, I called her back right away. She asks me about what is going on, have I heard, what do I know. She said she had been calling me like crazy knowing that I am a big Michael fan. We talked for a bit but she was with another friend.

I sort of worked a bit more, Caesar, who had stepped out to get his child had come back with him, and I told him the news. His reaction "What??? No! That is horrible news". We talked a bit about it, how we both seemed to have hopes for his comeback.

I left work around 8:30pm and called Paprika again, talked to her the whole drive home. I simply could not believe it. I just kept saying "No. No, I don't believe he is dead."

When I got home I watched CNN on the phone with her, as she mentions in her blog, I randomly would yell out "No!" every once in a while. It was just so incomprehensible to me. I watched until 4:30am.

The next morning on my way to work I bought the 4 major Toronto newspapers. All with full front page pictures of Michael and various headlines about his death. Some more flattering then others.

It has now been a week to the day and it's still mania all over the media. There is so much out there about this man, some good, some bad, some ugly, but one thing is pretty unanimous, he was the King, the greatest entertainer in the business. There are people coming out of the woodwork all over the place, mostly people who knew him are coming out and saying these really amazing things about him, and telling these incredible stories. The whole thing makes me so fucking sad. Where were these people when he really needed them? More about that later though.

It has been hitting me the past couple days and I have actually cried about it. I haven't been able to change that MSN tag because when I typed that, he was alive, my world was better.

I didn't even cry when any of my grandparents died. The one that I still have, my Granny, that will no doubt be a different story. I have to ask myself why this is affecting me so much. I have talked a lot to Paprika about it, she's really the only one who understands and a bit to my sister.

I figured out that there are three main things that really bother me about it. One is that I feel like I have lost a part of my childhood. I remember playing the Thriller album on our record player for hours and singing and dancing in my basement. Earlier then that I remember, my sister had a locket which had Michael Jackson's picture in it. I would go and look at it and one time being only 5 or so, I stuck it in the electrical socket and got quite a shock up my arm. (Michael Jackson was already performing with the Jackson 5 by that age, I am just saying.) I had all the albums up to Dangerous, after that he kind of lost me a bit, but I never waved on my love of the music, ever.

Secondly, he was just so fucking incredibly talented, I keep seeing all these old videos of him and it is amazing, he just oozed talent, charisma, super stardom. He was so cute and charming, and he truly seemed a very loving child. I also have been listening to his music none stop this week, after a life time of listening to it and I am not sick of it at all, quite the opposite, I still can not believe what an amazing voice and range he had. Not to mention the invention of words "Shamon!" and dance moves. He really, really, was incredible. There is no one now who can match that. There's a little less magic in the world now. So then to think that he looked back on the younger days in his life with a lot of pain, abused by his father, lonely and overworked, not allowed to go play. Then he became a kind of awkward teenager, he said, he had a lot of acne, which you can see in pictures, he was really scrawny and his nose was kind of big. He claims that he would wash his face in the dark so he wouldn't have to see himself. It kind of makes you understand why he would grow up and want to be a child again. However, trying to understand what he did to his face is a whole other thing.

Which sort of brings me to the third reason this is hitting me so hard. The sad end of his life. This child, who became a man that the world worshiped. We built him up to this status that no other has achieved since and probably never will. The highest selling record of all time, among many other broken records. He was known everywhere, I remember watching a documentary once and they were in a village in Africa and these people were living in huts with no amenities at all, let alone a record player. They were showing the kids these pictures of people. The President of the USA at the time, the Queen of England, some others just as notable, none seemed to bring any kind of recognition. Then a picture of Michael Jackson and all of them start yelling "Ah! Michael Jackson ya! Hehe! Michael Jackson!". From that, we slowly tear him down until he basically loses it all. It's Wacko Jacko now. Really who could know what that kind of fame does to someone, and the insecurities of a strange and surreal childhood. It is not a relatable situation to anyone else in the world. But yet for some reason we think we can judge. Fuck man, if you have been famous your entire life and have millions and you want to buy a pet, who is to say that a chimp or lama is a weird purchase? Clearly, he had issues with the surgeries, skin and all but it doesn't seem like anyone tried to understand or help him. People just gave up and called him a freak instead.

I sort of on my own level understand the insecurity part and feeling like no one really understands you. I was pretty cute as kid, blue eyes, blonde ringlets. I was apparently pretty outgoing as well. I do remember being talked to by lots of people and being called cute and precious. My Aunt/God Mother would lavish me with love and tell me that I was her favourite, though she had many other nieces and nephews (sorry sis). I would sing and dance and try to entertain. I lacked the talent part but that didn't seem to matter. But I too grew into a rather awkward teenager. My nose grew big as well and my blonde hair darkened and got frizzy. I wasn't attractive really, I was called a troll by boys at my school.

Now, as an adult, I have gotten more attractive, I grew out of the awkward stage and have a had a little help along the way. I still don't think I am gorgeous or anything.. Man the things I would do to myself if I had MJ money, I probably wouldn't be recognizable either!

I don't feel like anyone really gets me most of the time. I actually have a draft blog on this subject from a couple weeks ago, one particularly rough day. I just feel like my sense of humour, my love of my own negativity, my mutually exclusive love and hate of attention. No one really gets it. I have worked at the same place for almost 7 years now with some of the same people and I don't think a single one of them understands me or knows me. Which whatever, maybe your co-workers aren't supposed to. But with that being where I spend most of my time it gets a little depressing. It actually eats away at me sometimes, the feeling of being misunderstood and alone I can count on one hand the number of friends I have, I don't even need all the fingers. Anyways, I can't even imagine that being times a million. So back to Michael. He, though, unlike myself was hardly a negative pessimist, if anything he was probably too loving and nice.

This man gave 50 million dollars to children's charities in his lifetime and it appears he left much more behind for them as well. And it would seem in a misguided attempt to live the childhood he never had, he filled his life with children and would pay dearly for it. I don't believe he ever did anything sexual or malicious with those boys. And I think it is important to note that he was never found guilty of anything either, all charges dropped or acquitted of. I think people were trying to extort money from him and used their poor child to do it and it worked. Even the court appointed psychiatrist said he didn't fit the profile of an abuser but that rather, he just seemed to believe himself to be a ten year old boy. I believe he wanted children around, to have the sleepovers and all the stuff he missed out on, and I think he genuinely cared about these sick and dying kids and wanted them to feel happiness he didn't feel.

Sadly though, those decisions and I won't lie to myself, a few other really strange choices, became his undoing and that to me is the saddest irony of all. He lost his ranch which was the one place he could get away, he lost friends and fans.

It seemed he was getting it back together, he still had something no one else had, he was Michael Fucking Jackson, he sold out 50 shows at the O2 arena, most artists can't sell out one night there. He was going to do a comeback series. From the footage that is coming out from a couple nights before he died, it really looks like he was going to pull it all off, he can still move just the same. But he up and fucking dies, in what seems to be an overdose on pain medications, trying to numb the pain of a life gone wrong no doubt.

And now that he is gone, he is suddenly everyone's idol again. There are almost nothing but positive things being said about him by all who knew him and his fans. There are viduals/memorials going on everywhere, his music is everywhere, he is going to have number one albums again, the sales are have gone up 500% as has radio airtime. Digitally, he has 8 songs of the 10 most downloaded on itunes for the around 5 days after his death and around 65 of the top 100. In death he is actually getting the comeback he wanted.

I got to it a little late (this is now Friday July 3rd) but he still has 9 of the top 25 songs

I just can't get over the sadness of the whole situation. And now I get to add something to my already long list of regrets so far in life. Never seeing The King of Pop live.

Yes, approximately 150,000 other people also died that day. 10.8 per second. All were equal and important in there own right. But only one had an effect on my life and millions of other people around the world. Only one of them, was Michael Jackson.

RIP

Misunderstood

2009-06-16T15:42:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I feel like a complete jerk. I feel like almost no one on this whole planet understands me, my sense of humour, my ups, my downs.

With the exception of maybe 1 or 2 people who get maybe 80 percent of me. I feel like I have no one.

Little Ashes

2009-06-04T15:44:00.004-04:00

Crazy..

So Paps and I went to the movie but she hated it! I thought it was alright certainly no cinematic masterpiece but neither was Twilight that's for sure!

For me seeing R-Patz act like a bat shit crazy Dali was good enough. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Anyways.. I'll just have to keep waiting for New Moon to come out now. In the meantime this will just have to do:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=58185785

Tatt me up Scotty!

2009-06-04T15:36:00.003-04:00

I want a new tattoo like now!!!

I have always liked tattoos and I have always wanted more. I stopped when I met my Boyfriend because he doesn't like them.

I don't think I care anymore. I have to be happy with me and them.

I just need a good artist friend. Anyone know any?

Awkward gay sex scenes here I come!

2009-05-29T18:15:00.005-04:00

So the Little Ashes movie night is finally here!! (we moved it to Friday, from Tuesday)

I am feeling some more optimistic about the movie, it's getting pretty good user reviews on IMDB. Still horribly panned by critics.

Going to leave work soon and meet Paprika for some Thai food first.. and maybe some wine.

Yogies

2009-05-27T10:19:00.002-04:00

I finally made it to a Yoga class at the new gym last night. I have said for about 4 weeks now that I am going to try it.

I used to go at another gym and really liked it. This one, not so much. I didn't find it challenging at all and the instructor was very eccentric to say the least. He kept calling everyone his "little yogies". He was very animated and used a lot of sound effects like "swoooshhh!" and "zuuoooppp".

At one point he was doing poses that were like the YMCA but spelt out YOGA instead. He did a lot like that followed by "just kidding".

I'll try again next Tuesday I suppose. If it doesn't get any better then screw it. I could easily go there and waste my time on my own.

Twitter

2009-05-21T13:51:00.001-04:00

Someone I follow on Twitter just put this:

Woot! Our new Bible came in the mail today... Nice to replace the old one... Hopefully this one lasts even longer..

How the hell did I end up following this person?

What is wrong with me?

2009-05-20T15:32:00.003-04:00

I made an event on Facebook, like two months ago just to go see the movie Little Ashes with a couple girlfriends. The damn thing is only playing in one theater all the way down town. It looks like a terrible movie, filled with awkward gay male sex scenes and bad acting. It's the kind of movie I would probably never see in a million years. So why am I actually excited that the event is finally next Tuesday? One pseudonym:

R-Patz. (If I knew how to put those little hearts like everyone else seems to know how I would have.)

Some new favourite quotes from my favourite alien

2009-05-20T13:11:00.008-04:00

"I'm not getting tangled in the web the weaves downwards." - While talking to his wife.

"Hi this is Stanley Hisownlastname" - while leaving a message for his wife.

I was quoting a line from a movie, "Arthur! Play your notes! Play a c chord, play whatever you want. Do you not have freewill? Are you not learning freewill?"
He says "Oh, that’s a topic I really enjoy, do you really think we actually have freewill?"
Me - "Yes. Don't you?"
Him - "I don't know?"

"That's great news! Listen though, I won't keep you, I'm very busy right now but trust me I am happier then I sound" - talking to his wife about a new apartment

"Although it doesn't make sense to me I am using logic to explain it" - Talking to Caesar

You think I'm crazy? I got your crazy.

2009-05-05T22:33:00.006-04:00

I can't believe I am actually writing three posts in one day but this was just too funny!

I wanted to go check out the yoga class at the gym tonight, it starts at 7:30pm. With it being kind of busy at work and just procrastinating in general as I tend to do I didn't leave until 7:00pm.

Now I know that the 409 is retarded and full of construction and in my head, as I am leaving, I was reminding myself not to get on the 409, but for whatever reason, habit I suppose I got on there anyways. I was already mad at myself for waiting so long to leave work, then I get on there and it is a dead stop. I mean not moving an inch.

I was just so frustrated that I put my head in my hands and slowly was pulling on my face, if you can imagine, and yelling "FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK" at the same time. I must have just looked the absolute picture of insane. Anyways, some movement catches my eye in the car next to me and I look over. It's this guy, and he is waving at me and mouthing "Are you ok?". Oh my God! I was so embarrassed. I just shook my head yes and turned the brightest shade of red ever. He was still at it though, mouthing "Calm down! Calm down!" and pushing his hands down in a calming motion, then he's trying to show me like "take a breath".

It was the worst because there was nothing I could do. If you trip while walking or something at least you can keep moving. I was just stuck there beside this guy. I couldn't leave. We hadn't even moved a foot the whole time. I must have looked good even through all my crazy though, because then he is smiling at me, and trying to get me to roll down my window and talk to him. He wasn't bad looking but it's not like I could do anything. I just smiled and shook my head no and mouthed "It's ok, I am fine". Still having not moved an inch I didn't know what to do so I pretended to call someone. Eventually he lost interest and decided to drive away on the shoulder.

Slowly but surely I made my way up and found that the cause was a car fire. There was nothing left but a charred skeleton of a VW. I decided then that the owner of that car was having a worse day then me.

Made it to the gym, didn't get to try the yoga but I worked my ass off anyways, and there's always next week.

Passed!

2009-05-05T14:32:00.003-04:00

On a lighter note, I passed my Tax course!!! I am so fucking relieved. I honestly wasn't sure if I would. Which was strange for me because I had been doing so well in all my other courses. Who knew I would be an accountant. Fuck life is strange sometimes.

Anyways, it's over and behind me. I am taking the summer off of school and I am going to enjoy it.

I think so celebrate I will book the first camping trip of the season! I can't wait. I love you Summer.

Subconscious

2009-05-05T12:25:00.009-04:00

How much should you trust your subconscious? Mine has been screaming at me through dreams lately. The past few months I have been thinking about whether or not I want to have kids soon (meaning the next 2 - 3 years) I keep watching everyone around me and my age getting married and having kids, it really got me thinking about it.

Now the whole Marriage thing I am not quite sold on. I hardly know anyone in a good marriage but I have always known I want kids, someday. I think it would be a great tragedy die never having fulfilled your whole life's purpose.

Anyways back to my dreams, I guess because I have started wondering about whether or not I want them soonish, my mind has been trying to help me sort that out. Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant but kind of surprisingly, my reaction was of pure horror. It was as though it was the worst possible thing that could have happened. Not only because in my dream I wasn't at all ready but also because it meant that I had to really decide if my boyfriend was who I was going to spend my life with. I think I have been suppressing a lot of those thoughts. It's really hard to be with someone younger then you, especially now when the years make a bigger difference then ever. I wonder if we'll ever be on the page, and if we are, will it be too late?

I really hate thinking these things, which is why I suppress them and whenever I do, I look at old texts and emails from when we first started dating, and remember how he chased me and made me fall for him in the first place. Then I forget why I am even wondering about things to begin with.

I guess the only thing I know for sure right now is that I am not ready for kids and not ready to think anymore then 1 year ahead. I only hope that living in the "now" isn't going to cost me a lot in the future.

Monday, Monday

2009-05-04T07:42:00.002-04:00

Monday morning, the first one of May (sounds like I meant to start a poem). Probably going to be a crazy one. I have been given until Wednesday to finish closing the month. Caesar is so optimistic. We'll see, I'll have to stay off Twitter, Facebook, gmail and here. That might be more of a feat then actually closing the month in basically 2 business days.

I went to the gym Friday night, only did about half an hour, big muscularly men were intimidating me. Went again on Sunday though and did like a marathon workout. Felt pretty good. Surprised so far today I'm not sore at all.

Well better head out. Sorry this is boring, just trying to work on posting more. Maybe I should re-think that if this is all I have to say haha!

Love you!

Me First Day

2009-05-01T18:16:00.002-04:00

It's May 1st! Meaning I am first today!

Why don't more people call me May? I should start telling people they can call me that, instead of trying to explain how an accent changes the sound of an e, to people.

Today started off pretty well, nice weather, casual Friday! Wore my sweet new kicks, listened to music, Thriller came on the station, old school MJ just doesn't get better. Had sushi for lunch! Minimal dealings with Tiny, Telly, Stanley and Caesar, all and all May Day went pretty well.

I am off to the gym now. Hopefully I don't get laughed at when I nearly collapse after 5 minutes. Then I'll go home and drink some wine.

Anyways.. I am procrastinating. Happy MFFB to all!

How To Be

2009-04-29T22:50:00.002-04:00

Life is a stage, on which we all play
The world is a symphony of sarcastic lust
I'd like to be a part of the global gain
but I'm left behind choking on the dust
Choking on the dust
Choking on the dust
Choking on the dust

NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQBPAmnAlOk

considering moving to the UK just to make it happen.

April!!

2009-04-27T23:52:00.003-04:00

April is almost done and I haven't written a blog. I am sorry. I truly wish I was an interesting person with just the most fascinating and captivating things to say, unfortunately for me and you, I am not.

What I am thinking about lately however, is among other things, just how fucking fabulous it is to be done with that Tax course. I swear, I have never been less interested in anything in my entire life.

Summer is upon us and I really plan to have some fun this year. I am seriously not getting any younger. I already feel like the calender is getting filled up really quickly. Cottages, weddings and trips to be had.

Hopefully all of that leads to some more interesting posts in the future.

Off topic: My cats are being the cutest homos ever right now. I really wish I wasn't so lazy, I would get a camera and take a picture and post it. They are spooning and bathing each other. I love them. I also love, profanity and obscenities.

Crazy Goggles

2009-03-23T16:49:00.005-04:00

I have decided that Stanley views the world through crazy goggles, you know like how beer goggles make you think really gross people are attractive? Crazy goggles has made him see the world through his warped mind and somehow think that is reality.

My boss is going on mat leave and we have new one starting. I am going to call him Caesar.

Caesar is slowly building his empire, from the day he started he has been changing things and introducing himself to everyone. He already knows more peoples name then I do, and I have been here 7 years! He makes nice with everyone and works himself into every conversation so flawlessly you would think you intended to talk to with him from the beginning. He is business and he knows what he wants.

Stanley comes up to me the other day just positively beaming with joy. He is so happy that our old boss is gone and this one is starting because he thinks and I quote he can "boss him around". I don't know where this guy comes up with this shit. Must be the same place that he gets the that the Free Mason's are going to be micro-chipping everyone in the near future from.

Honestly, I am not good at too much but one thing I think I am good at is seeing through bullshit and reading people. Here's what else I know. Caesar, is no pushover and Stanley needs to take off the goggles.

The Dream is Dead

2009-03-21T00:22:00.008-04:00

I did not submit the video on time. Sooooo many things went wrong. Bah! I am not even sure I want to relive this here but whatever...

I shot the video on the morning of the final qualifying day (mistake #1). All entries needed to be uploaded by 11:59 pm that night.

I was late for work but I thought I finally had something that was workable.

Trying to make a video that is:

a) under 60 seconds
b) contains nothing in the background that is not copyrighted to the series
c) no other people or animals
d) interesting and creative

well for me at least it was damn near impossible. I thought though that I read a sort of funny and cute enough monologue that just might not get tossed out right away. But being late for work I figured I would just upload it after I got home (mistake #2).

My Mom calls me at work that day and asks if I want to go to her place after work for dinner and cards with her and my Grandmother. I hadn't seen my Granny in a while and I always feel bad passing up chances to see her. She's 93 after all. So I accepted.

We went but I was preoccupied the whole time with making back home to get the video upload. I had the camera and card with me but no cable. I decided that I have to tell them so they don't wonder why I want to bust out of there.

My boyfriend makes fun of me but tries to be helpful none the less, suggests I just do it there. Of course! But no, my Mom has a Sony camera and for whatever reason they need to have different memory cards and connectors then every other camera out there. That's out, I need to go home. We leave and take my Grandmother home. We make it home by 11:20ish.

I LEFT THE CAMERA AT MY MOMS

I barricade my boyfriend in the back room and try to shoot another funny, cute, under a minute video with our other camera. It takes me 30.

I run into the back, kick him off the computer I go to the site. I try to register, it keeps crashing. I finally register, 4 mins left. I try to upload the video, wrong format. 2 mins. I change the format, I try to upload again, it's waaaaaay too big. 1 minute till the deadline and I conceit. My procrastination has won yet again.

I knew I had no chance but it was fun to think about it for a bit anyways. Oh R-Patz, we'll just have to meet another time ;)

Random thoughts - March 19th edition

2009-03-19T23:44:00.003-04:00

Is it weird that sometimes I want to type googlicious instead of google?

I am going to shoot my video in the morning, I of course have waited until the very last minute but that makes sense seeing as it is me.

Why is it that people who have money are the cheapest bastards?

Why am I not in bed yet?!?!?!

Why am I watching Listed on MMM???

U2 is not relevant!!!!! Goddammit!!!

untitled

2009-03-16T23:36:00.002-04:00

I spent the better part of this weekend at a wake and then a funeral for woman in my boyfriend's extended family.

She was 79, it was sudden though. No lingering illness, just went to the hospital one day short of breath and dead 5 days later. Maybe it's because my grandmother is 93 and still kicken and my other grandparents went well into their 80's, that I was surprised by her death.

She leaves behind a husband of the 57 years. He was clearly devastated. They have done everything together. From coming to Canada, to daily walks, to golfing (both have hole in one's trophy's from not to long ago and they walk all 19 holes), to travelling all around the world. Apparently when they phoned people, they would each have a receiver and talk, completing each others sentences. There was one thing that he said that really gutted me though. He was talking to my boyfriend's sister and he was saying they were best friends, she was half of him. Then he said "She was my right hand" then he pauses for just a second and says, "and my left hand". It was so poetic and from the heart.

Her whole life story really just got me thinking, I already regret all the things I'll never see, feel and do in my life.

Pathetic

2009-03-12T22:39:00.002-04:00

So I read the Twilight Saga and well, I became a little obsessed. Like a pimply teenager.. really friggin obsessed.

The movie of the first book was really not great but of course, I have seen it twice anyways and yeah I plan to buy the stupid DVD. While looking at the website for it, I found a contest. You can enter a video and have a chance to "be a part of New Moon", which is the second book being made into a movie. All you have to do is make the video, one minute or less explaining why you should be in the movie. I want to enter this but apparently they give points for creativeness and clearly people, I am lacking any of that.

So that's me and that's what I am going to try to sell them. I am the most pathetic 28 year old to enter this contest. I have to be.

Wish me luck.

I suck

2009-03-04T22:03:00.002-05:00

Wow I really suck at blogging!

Perhaps it's because I don't really want to be caught at work blogging so I don't do it there, which is where I happen to spend most of my life. At home I get bitched at if I spend too much time on the computer. And perhaps it's because I try to have some anonymity on here, that I am not really able to get into it that much.

I have only told a handful of people about this blog, and I think only one of you even read it, so I am not really sure what I am worried about.

I am going to try harder, it's not like I can't find things to bitch about on a daily basis geez! With that said though I am also going to try to mix it up with some non bitching ones.

So that's that. You one person, you're in for a treat!

xoxo

Beans

Byrd & Chen's Canadian Tax Principles

2009-02-01T17:19:00.003-05:00

As I sit here procrastinating, so as to not have to read the above mentioned 989 page text book that truly is my personal form of hell, I wonder.. has anyone ever killed themselves rather then continue to read this book?

Really, it would not surprise me in the least.

Today

2009-01-30T10:40:00.002-05:00

I am completely and unabashedly obsessed with Robert Pattinson.

I also really like my new boots.

That's all really.

Happy Friday.

Twilight

2009-01-29T11:19:00.002-05:00

So I read the Twilight Saga.

It's pretty much consumed the last month of my life. Even my boyfriend seemed to be getting jealous of how much time I was spending reading.

I don't know what it is about it but it was almost making me depressed. Well not almost, it really did for a few days there. Not so much the story, as really, a story of love conquering all is not meant to be that way. For some really bizarre reason a story about Vampires and Werewolves made me feel so boring and pathetic.

Why can there not be such things? Why am I an accountant? So many questions came from such an unlikely source that I was completely horrified with my life as it was.

I am better now but really, I have to do something. Sitting on my ass day after day getting older and fatter is just not working for me.

The Truth

2009-01-05T12:21:00.003-05:00

So in being true to this blog (being about me bitching) and to myself (I really do like bitching), I am going to write my first entry of 09.

I am depressed. And don't want anyone to tell me that I shouldn't be. Sometimes it's just nice to wallow in your own self pity, righteous or not.

I just can't help feeling like I was meant for more sometimes.

I woke up today, my first Day back to work this year, for the most part it started just as any other from last year. I woke up (late), I drank half my cold coffee my Boyfriend left for me, I showered, I got ready.

I left my apartment, walked down the same stairs I always walk down, to the old car and only car I have ever owned, I backed out of the spot.. Here's where the only difference happened, I nearly backed into some guy. I swear I looked, one way, then the other, then backed up. I heard the loudest longest honking ever and I slammed on my brake, I don't know where the guy came from. He wasn't there when I looked. So he completely over reacts and gets out of his van, stares me down like I am lower form of life. How dare I almost hit his crappy work van? He does a full walk around to make sure everything is fine. I didn't even get close to him. Ridiculous.

Anyways as I was finally driving on my way to work, it occurred to me that this would be the only thing different about my day. So far, I am right. That is a reality I am not sure I am ready to except.

Is this it? Is this the best I can get out of my one chance at life? I really really hope not. It's bad enough knowing that I will likely never be any better looking and likely only get fatter but to think I will likely also live in the GTA and do this type of crappy job until I die. Again, I just don't think I can take that. I really really think I was meant for more then this.

Anyways, Happy New Year.

Only in my dreams.....

2008-12-02T10:00:00.005-05:00

So I woke up this morning to my boyfriend bringing me a coffee, which was great of course but all the sudden I had this rush of emotions.

Anger, guilt, sadness.

He just woke me up from a very strange dream. I think I was about to get it on with Justin Timberlake.

I have no idea where it came from. Of course I like him, and have his CD's but I don't think I have thought or heard anything about him in a while.

Basically me and my friend Paprika and I think some other people are in Las Vegas, having a girls getaway.

Apparently Justin owns a house there that you can pay to have a tour of. So Paps and I get a ticket, it was pretty expensive but we heard a rumor he may be there this day.

We get to the house, the tour guide gives you a bracelet with the access you're allowed based on if he thinks your crazy or not.

I am deemed crazy and get minimal access :(

I am wondering and somehow lose the rest of the group and I wander up these stairs and into a very big game room. Off the big game room I can hear noise coming from another room. I turn the corner and there is another room with a huge TV and people watching football. The room has a velvet rope blocking it off from the tourists but I kind of peek in and look on the couches and I see him. Suddenly there's a lot of other tourists and I tell them for some reason that he is there and they all start screaming.

He turns and sees everyone and he says that this room is off limits to the tour. The guide appears and he tells me I shouldn't have gone there. I apologise. He says he knew I was one of them crazy fans.

I look over and see Justin signing Autographs. The guide is trying to make me leave but I am saying that it's unfair! "Please Justin! I am like your biggest fan!" (I am?? Seriously where is this coming from?). He hears me and tells the guide that it's ok.

I walk over, he moves the velvet rope. He says where do you want it. So I pull down my pants a bit. Apparently I now have a tattoo of his face some where close to my privates. Apparently, I have tattoos all down me in this dream.

He tells me he likes it and signs next to it. Then he tells me, that he thinks I should stay. He is looking at me like I am dinner when suddenly as with dreams, I am near the front of the house again. I am trying to figure out how to get back to him.

I wake up, Boyfriend is putting down my coffee. I am back to reality, which isn't really so bad. So what, I probably won't be doing Justin Timberlake anytime soon? But I am starting to itch for that next tattoo now.

Randomness of a few days missed

2008-11-11T13:40:00.005-05:00

Secrets are fun... That's all about that.

So Halloween was pretty cool. People actually dressed up, well about 30 of us. I won the custome contest!

I was, if you haven't guessed, Sarah "I can see Russia from my house" Palin. It was actually fun. I like winning things. It gives me that lovely warm feeling inside that, don't lie, we all love... feeling superior to others! Hah! I am such a bitch sometimes.

That's about all about Fall. Winter is starting to set in on this vast land I love. I should be used to it by now. I was born and raised here, but I am not. I hate all things chilly. With one small exception. Christmas.

I love Christmas! Which for someone who pretty much considers themselves agnostic it's a bit strange. I don't love celebrating Jesus. I just like how everyone and everything just seems fuzzier.

Older

2008-10-28T17:42:00.002-04:00

Funny thing this getting older.

So many things that you never thought about before, suddenly preoccupy your thoughts.

Health, age, place in life.

I am not sure I like it. I am finding myself looking back onto things I have done, things I choose not to do and really regretting a lot of it.

I guess from here you just look to the future. Right now though, that just looks like a big vast unknown.

Paprika!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-28T17:40:00.001-04:00

You can't go off facebook and not at least update your freaking blog!

No get off your arse and write more blogs!

All Hollows Eve

2008-10-20T18:59:00.002-04:00

I have decided what to be for Halloween.

I am half and half when it comes to Halloween. I think I would be more into it if people around me were but historically they have not been.. besides you Paprika.

This year at work they (they being our newly formed 2 person social committee) are planning this big brew ha ha. I have had to swear I will dress up and get into it.

Past experience has shown me that even if there is a big event planned at work, people generally do not bother and I am one of 3 people out of 150 or so employees who is there looking like an idiot.

So this year I think I have something good. I could drive to work and people in other cars may not even know I am dressed. It still should be recognizable to anyone who has half a brain or a TV for the past 2 months.

Until then...

Out of this world

2008-10-07T10:54:00.004-04:00

Stanley walks into my cube, I am trying to pick a new background picture for my desktop. I am tired of looking at the windows sign.

Me: Oh hey.

Stan: So.. are you like, done with quarter end now?

Me: Well kinda..

Stan: Oh good. So what are you doing then?

Me: Right now? Picking out a new desktop background.

Stan: I meant in general like your work but ok. Why don't you go with the Stonehenge picture?

Me: I kinda want something pretty and inspiring, that will keep me in a good mood. (As I browse through images) Maybe I will go with this Autumn Scene, seeing as it is the season.

Stan: Yeah, when's Halloween anyways? Like the end of the month or something?

Me: You don't know when Halloween is?

Stan: No... umm.. the 30th?

Me: Seriously what planet are you from??

Stan: Not sure.. As he walks away

Air Freshener?

2008-09-24T12:16:00.003-04:00

A long time ago my boyfriend gave me an air freshener he got free from Petro Canada.

It has their logo on it, to remind you to get gas there I guess. Anyways, it's just red and says "don't forget your points". There is no smell listed on there that I can tell.

I have had it in my car for ages and I decided to open it on Sunday.

It kinda smelled like wood and guys cologne at first. It wasn't the nicest freshener I had smelt but I left it up there, hanging from the rear view.

I was driving my Grandmother home on Sunday, when she got in the car, she said "What is that smell?" with her semi-still British accent with a kind of disgusted tone. I replied "oh, that's the air freshener I put it up this morning, why?" "oh... Nothing, it smells... nice" she replies.

Monday I get in the car and it's like that episode of Seinfeld where the guy left the BO smell in Jerry's car. My car reeks, the "freshener" smells like BO covered with cologne.

Who the hell manufactures something to smell like BO?? Honestly?

I left it there I am not too sure why, I just can't bring myself to take it down. It's not like my car smells that great with out it.

I feel like I am giving it a chance, it can't really be the freshener that smells that bad can it? Maybe it was just the garbage bag. Yesterday I took out my car garbage bag I have hanging from my gear shift.

I got in the car last night after work same thing.

It's kind of gross and enticing at the same time. How can they make an air freshener smell so bad.

I am curious, will it last longer then most? Will it linger in my car long after I take it down?

I will just have to wait and find out.

"It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine"

2008-09-12T11:47:00.003-04:00

I may honestly go deaf.

I am listening to AM640 in my earphones so loud just so I don't have to listen to Stanley talk about the end of life as we know it.

Remember this people "by 2010 there will be an Amero and we will be one country with the states and mexico. It doesn't matter who is in office, it doesn't matter what the people want. Just except it."

Less then two years! Honestly!!!!! I am not saying that I can't see that there are some people out there who may have that agenda but seriously. Less then 2 years!!! Give me a break. He makes me want to scream.

I love you Mike Stafford. You are a shiny star in my mundane days.

New Outlook???

2008-09-10T10:40:00.002-04:00

I haven't written a blog in a while.

That's because every time I want to, I would break my promise from my last blog about not ranting about the office.

Some might think "if it's so bad, look for a new job". It's not the job it's the people and people are at every job.

So what can one do? I guess I am going to try having a new outlook. I am going to attempt to be nice to everyone, always. Even the stupid fuckholes who try to keep me down. I am just going to smile and walk away.

It's not worth the stress I go through everyday to get mad at everyone. It takes too much energy. It's not that in my head or to a close friend I can't complain about the useless fuckholes who ruin my days. It's just that I won't let them know, that they are useless fuckholes and are ruining my days.

I am 28 now as of a few days ago. I guess that means something? I suppose you have to lose the moody teenage mentality when you are almost ten years removed from it?? I don't know.. I don't think it's the age or birthday that really matters. It's just growing as a person and knowing you are better then the people who haven't.

A morning in the life

2008-08-27T09:16:00.004-04:00

So at my apartment in the ghetto, I have a parking spot at the back of the building. So each morning I leave through the back door. This might not be soooo bad if that wasn't the same place the garbage bins for the whole building are. It fucking stinks. Seriously, every freakin morning I walk past a dump just to get to my dump of a car. Then I drive for 45 minutes to get somewhere that is only 25 minutes away. Blah!

It would not be so bad if I could get here and have just say a half hour of peace. But that never happens.

Tiny has this need to bother me, she just can't leave me alone. The minute I sit down, before I have even gone to the cafe to get my coffee, I get "Aimee, may I have 2 minutes of your time?". For fuck sakes I just sat down. "Ok". Then Tiny goes into the same set of questions I have been answering for 2 months now. Worst of all I think, is that although she sits right beside me she feels the need to come over. I think I am going deaf because she scares the shit out of me every single time with "Aimee!". She says it the way my mom always used to call me in the mornings and it send shivers down my spine. I haven't been to Tiny's cube more then say 5 times in two months, you think they'd catch on.

Whenever I have to tell Tiny something I email or I simply say "Tiny, are you there?" It's a courtesy. Why the hell they feel the need to sneak up behind me a yell me name is really fucking beyond me.

Anyways, I promise the next few posts will be work rant free.

I am a horrible person.

2008-08-19T10:36:00.001-04:00

I was off for a week last week. It's now my third day back.

Sometimes I wake up and think "I am going to have a good day at work today, I won't let the normal stresses get to me. I am professional." But then I get here.

How can a person, who in general dislikes most people, work with them? I can't.

I try I really do. Maybe I am the one with the issues. Ok, I am the one with the issues. I feel bad venting on here about people, but how else can I deal with it without doing it to their face?

Stanley is away this week, he went on a big adventure into the forest. I had over heard him one day on the phone talking about wanting read about various berries and things he could eat in the wild. I had a good laugh seeing as I had just finished reading "Into the Wild" a couple days earlier. He left last week as well. He said might come back early this week if he was bored. He hasn't. I hope he hasn't been eaten by a bear. They have been attacking people lately. A woman in her own driveway. Crazy.

Speaking of bears. I watched Grizzly Man the other day. Holy crap. If you ever get a chance to see that movie, just get ready to disbelieve. The guy is just unreal. Someone should have committed him.

Anyways, back to work. Besides Stanley, I work with two other people I will likely write about once in a while. One is Telly Tubby, the other is Tiny McNuisance. Tiny is just this little ball of annoyance and Telly is just well there's no word I could use here without feeling really bad. Have you ever had someone talk to you with their mouth full of food and see it falling out of there mouth? Or hear the phlegm in there throat as they cough freely in our face without covering their mouth?? No? Lucky you. Not to mention every single time telly comes to my cube for whatever, it smells for like 20 minutes after, I can't even describe the smell, it must be how their apartment smells, it's just gross. I know I need more patience. It's something I am going to work on.

A very long post about hair.

2008-08-18T16:23:00.000-04:00

So I went to do the hair straightening and get a cut. This is where it starts to go bad. The cut was fine but she didn't really take much off at all I barely noticed that I had a hair cut. It took her all of five minutes but she added a middle layer in between so I didn't look so two layered anymore. But since I went to the fancy smacy place in the city it was a 60 plus tip, cut. The straightening procedure seemed OK they blow dried it all nice and straight, sent me off and said not to wash it for at least three days. Fine. Another $130 plus tip. Grand total for that night $210.

So I go home pretty happy for the most part, except the girl who straightened my hair was a bitch who basically called me plain and declared herself to the most "glamorous" person ever. That's a whole other long story.

I wait three days and wash my hair on the weekend. I let it air dry because I wanted to see if it would actually dry straight and smooth as promised. It dried straight pretty much but it was still huge, puffy and frizzy, and it felt like burnt straw. Was V. disappointed. It was a gamble though. Was even more mad at stupid glamorous bitch though.

While I was there she had mentioned you can dye your hair with the treatment but you have to wait a week. I had a wedding to go to the following weekend so I wanted to my roots, they have been growing for quite a while and were very long. However, seeing as I had just spent all that money on the half ass straightening and hardly cut, I didn't want to go get highlights at the salon. I decided to do what I knew I should not do and by a box and do it myself. Boyfriend told me not too. He said not to do anything until after the wedding. I try not to make a habit of listening to him so I did it anyways. The cost for hair dye in a box about 15 bucks. Grand total spent on hair so far: $225.

I picked a lovely shade of beige blonde. That's what the box showed, that must be an actual reflection of how it will look on my head, right???

Wrong. I end up with bright orange hair just as I always do when I do it myself. The roots of course being the worst. Horror. I have a wedding to go to. Worse, I can't tell Boyfriend I hate it. He would be right.

So I pretend to like it. Secretly make an appointment at a salon the next night to try to fix it. I tell him I am doing some last minute shopping and go. I went to this nice place in Brampton, another upscale type Salon. They assure me they are great at colour correction and there should be no issues.

She starts by asking me what I want. "I want this fixed". OK, highlights to cut through some of the darker orange on the roots and over all colour to tone down the whole thing. OK.

I tell her I am very worried about having green, gray, ashy or brassy hair. "No Problem."

I leave after 3.5 hours with grayish streaks and greenish some parts, brassy others on the rest. Great. Passive me pays another $165 bucks. Hair total thus far $390.00

I put it in a pony tail. Boyfriend may not notice. He doesn't usually, most men don't. He only noticed when I went brown from blonde. I did that the last time I went through this and had greeny hair. The wedding is now t-minus one day. Can not fix hair. He didn't notice, not that he let onto anyways.

Disaster. Worse can not complain about it to Boyfriend.

After talking over with my boss and another co-worker lady. We decide it mostly looks greeny/grayish at the ends. Curly up do for the wedding should hide it. Whatever. Hate hair want to cry. Just deal with it. I was self conscious all weekend. I am fat and I have green hair. I never let on to him though, can not let him win.

I was off all last week. I went camping with my sister, nephew, a lady we work with and her family. I let it go, it's camping who cares.

I came home Friday. Stopped by the drugstore. Yup. I picked up a box of hair dye. This time however, it's a wash out. I picked up three actually. I got a blonde colour with a bit of red hoping to tone out the green with it. I also picked up a darker blonde for underneath if it didn't work and a blonde for the top. They are all wash outs. I have done this before as well it works to tone it but it doesn't last that long. I did the first blonde all over to see if that would fix it. It looks ok, it's pretty bright though but better. I'll use the other two when this washes out. They cost me $35 bucks.

Grand total spent on hair in three weeks $425.00. Oh, and all the washing and dying pretty much took out whatever straightness there was in the hair.

The Rachel

2008-07-30T10:34:00.001-04:00

Almost every single time I get a hair cut I get the Rachel. Honestly, I have blogged about it before even.

This is the text from a blog I had in 2006

"Why is it that every time I go to a hairdresser and ask for some layers.. I get the Rachel??

Seriously...

Hairdresser's of the world... It is not 1994 and no 25 year old such as myself wants the Rachel anymore..

Pony tails for the next couple months I guess... "

I have made an appointment at a pretty pricey salon in Toronto tonight. I am getting a hair treatment that is supposed to smooth and straighten my hair. They talked me out of actually permanently straightening my hair. So this better actually work. More importantly thought is that I am getting a haircut.

I have been growing it out since the last Rachel or Double Layer as I call it..

Notice one layer of my hair on top and one layer on the bottom.

I hate this look and I don't understand why no matter how many times I explain to a hairdresser that I hate this look, I still end up with this look. My hair is pretty long and decent at the moment so I am scared. For the amount of money this place is going to charge me I better come out with Angelina and not Jennifer.

It's not that I am a genius or anything

2008-07-28T14:34:00.000-04:00

but working here sometimes makes me feel that way.

Honestly, if I have to answer the same questions or explain the same things once more my head might actually explode. Okay, more likely my temper will explode and that's not good for anyone.

Let's call him Stanley

2008-07-25T15:23:00.000-04:00

I work with this guy.... Let's call him Stanley. He's kind of a freak. The vast amount of stories I have about this guy, I could write for hours.

But we'll take this one story at a time.

So Stanley sits one thin cubical wall away from me and I get to hear every weird random conversation he has with his girlfriend.

Today was quite a gem as far as random girlfriend conversations go. This guy is in no position to give anyone life advice, just trust me, but he always seems to be giving her advice. He should send her to me, I know what my first piece of advice would be but anyways. It's really strange, these totally randoms times in the middle of a work day she calls and needs her life coach I guess?

These are the two lines I picked up today...

"she ate your power, she fed off your energy, now you have lost your power, you know what I mean?" I don't even know how to follow this up.

Gem No.2

"What I am learning about is respecting children and treating them like an equal or an adult. You don't want them to think that you feel you have more power then them" WHAT?? Hello! That is the role of a parent!! He doesn't have kids... I am not sure where that came from but I am worried now.

You have understand this person but I couldn't possibly sum him up in one short post alone and part of me feels a little bad blabbing about him but it's my blog and no one reads it so I can.

Here's just a bit of background to leave you with.

He doesn't use toothpaste with fluoride or drink tap water because he thinks the government is trying to poison everyone.

He is buying gold and silver coins because he believes that when the American Economy collapse and there is a depression, there will be a North American Union and the dollar will be non existent, the Amero will rise but gold and silver will be the only thing of value. Keep in mind here people, when the Great Depression happened a silver coin would buy you a mule! You can't argue with that logic.

F - YAH!!!!

2008-06-10T09:21:00.000-04:00

My cop did not show up on Friday!

Fucking Eh!

I got there super early, I was dressed really well, but still freaking out. I really did not want to have to read the whole spiel about my rights and yadda yadda.

Some older guy asked me if I was there to defend someone! Hah!

Anyway, I heard the prosecutor say that it was everyone's lucky day. At that point I started to have hope.

I waited and waited and I didn't see my cop. So they called my name first, which was weird because I was halfway down the list, I went up and they just said they were dropping the case because the cop was at a training camp. Note: It was a Friday, the first nice one of summer and 32 degrees out. Whatever, it totally works for me!!!

Freaking the freak out!

2008-05-29T13:47:00.000-04:00

I am terrified of this coming Friday. I have my first ever court date. I ran a red light last year and got caught. I knew what I had done, so I pulled the car over and took the ticket.

If only I had known what was really going to happen. I am naive, I have never really been pulled over before. I thought how much can it be? 50 bucks?

So he takes all my info, doesn't look too impressed with me comes back to the car 10 minutes later, hands me the ticket and says "you have 15 days to decide what to do". I start to drive away. When I see he is out of sight I look at the ticket.. $365.00 mother fucking dollars! Instant tears.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? THE FUCKING LIGHT WAS STILL YELLOW WHEN I GOT IN THERE!

I decided to fight the ticket. This whole time I am being helped by a co-worker who has faught many tickets. He said it's a breeze, he'll come with me, it will be ok.

Well his wife decides to pop out another baby a couple weeks ago and suddenly he has to go to the doctors that day. Leaving me to go alone. I am for sure going to cry and for sure not know what to say. How do you defend yourself against something you did!? I don't know... All I know is that is way too much money and the 3 points to go with it is way more then I can afford.

Wowzers

2008-05-27T15:35:00.000-04:00

I like to use the word wowzers a lot.

So I was thinking about keeping a blog or diary or something of that nature lately, turns out I had already started this thing.

I think I will just rant on here knowing no one will be reading it. Why the fuck not??

Todays rant...

Why do girls do stupid girl things? If a guy completely stops talking to you.. FUCK HIM!!! Do not be desperate and message him. Nothing will change.. he will stop talking to you again. No if and's or but's. Seriously. Read the signs, if they sign say's nothing, then nothing is there. That's for you P. since I am sure you don't really want to hear me actually say it.